Yesterday, i was flipping through mypapers. Its my usual daily routine now. Have decided that since i am planning to do business in university, i better start developing the habit of reading the papers. Hopefully it won't be like my JC days where my Newsweek magazines piled up in my room, all still freshly wrapped in its original plastic cover. And i know many of you are culprits to that too! Damn those magazine companies... keep telling us to buy buy buy to help us with our GP...

So anyway, one article made my jaw drop. The headlines read "IDIOT PEES IN MRT TRAIN". Ok it was more like boy pees in the mrt but omg!!! WHAT AN IDIOT! I think thats too light for him. Apparently, while the train was travelling somewhere around Tanjong Pagar, a woman brought her kid to the door and got him to pee at the door. How disgusting is that!

But after giving it a little thought... you know... it was bound to happen... I mean people in Singapore pee in the HDB lifts... In. The. Lifts. I still don't understand why people pee in the lifts and will never understand. But if singaporeans can pee in the lifts, we can definitely pee in the train.

I mean the environment is pretty similar. Most HDB lifts i know are green/blue... Most trains have green flooring and blue seats. HDB lifts are litted by fluorescent lights... so are trains. Most HDB lifts have that 2 piece glass panel on the door so you can see the floors as you go up(which really freaks me out. They should abolish that... I keep thinking some freaky girl from the movie dark waters will be standing there watching me as my lift goes up)... trains too. Lastly, both lifts and train are forms of transport.

So technically, the environment is pretty similar. So what we get is this formula:
Green/Blue background + fluorescent lights + glass panel + moving = uncontrollable desire to pee

Just thinking about it makes me sick. Apparently, as people walk into the train, they stepped on the puddle and made the entire train wet with what they thought was water. Eick! I am so not entering the train if i see a puddle in it ever again...

Plus you know what i thought was funny about the article. They actually went around interviewing people to get their comments. So people were saying "It is wrong", "this should not happen", "i will not allow my kid to pee on the train". And i was like... seriously... do we need comments about this? ITS OBVIOUSLY VERY WRONG AND VERY DISGUSTING! I don't need some housewife telling me why she thinks its wrong...

And wait. I save the best for the last. The best part of it all was that as the boy was peeing, everyone on the carriage was staring at him but NO ONE did anything. NO ONE. And they didnt even warn the crowd stepping into the train. SERIOUSLY. What is wrong with us, Singaporeans! That we cant seem to distinguish between what is right and wrong and do something about it when the time calls for it? No wonder we have to go around asking comments about this incident! *Faint*

My fellow Singaporeans. I urge you to step up to the challenge of taking the iniative to do something when something like this happens. Maybe the guys are used to seeing people anyhow pee since they did that in the army. BUT THIS IS CIVILIZATION! Or at least i thought it was... Don't let this spread to the public buses which i take frequently since the train station is far from my house. Please oh please....

Anyway on a lighter note: The terrorist guy who escaped from the detention centre is still at large in Singapore. Do stay away from trains, especially planes for the time being. They are the favourite targets for terrorist. Take bus. It's safer and cheaper. Plus you get to avoid the pee puddle since the trend haven't spread to the buses yet. Nod nod. But i worry... According to the formula... It won't be long before i see puddles in the bus even though it's blazing hot outside...
Signing out - 2/28/2008 09:13:00 PM

My sister stays around the pebble bay area. It's the bunch of condos located by the ECP and its just across the river from the Indoor Stadium. Since i go by her place pretty often, i tend to stop by Kallang Leisure Park just to grab some stuff or idle. It's the newly renovated shopping centre located near the stadium. And i have to tell you. I. Am. So. Loving. That place.

1) It's absolutely deserted! No one goes there. The number of staff in that shopping centre outnumbers the patrons! It's not the usual crowded shopping centre like Vivo or Marina Square where i get giddy trying to make my way through the human traffic. In fact, it is so quiet and peaceful, its like going to a park with aircon. Whoot!

2) The cold storage there is the best supermart in Singapore. It's absolutely gorgeous. Everything inside just looks fresher than the usual supermart. The colour, the texture, the glow of the fruits and vegetables... Everything looks untouched, as if im the very first customer in the supermart. All the shelves are packed with food and in order. The aircon is bloody cold which is oh so good for me. (yes i know. im cold blooded. My optimum temperature is below 15 degrees.) The best part is that there are hardly any patrons! No playing snakes in the supermart where i have to navigate myself and my trolley around kids who are running around with unwrapped sweets they just got off the shelf or housewives who cant decide which toilet paper to buy. Seriously! It's like playing bumber car in there! Not to mention i don't have to queue at the casher for half an hour like at Giant.

3) The cinema is commendable. The seats are great. There is plenty of leg room. The air con is just nice. But again, the best part is that there is no one! So i can buy the tickets 1 minute before the show starts and still get the best seats in the cinema. And its perfect to watch those shows that you want to watch but no one seems to share the same interest as you. You won't have to worry about being caught watching a movie alone. And its perfect for couples too. It's like having your own private cinema.

4) Not to mention there is an ice skating ring, a bowling alley, Kbox and a hand full of small eateries.

But it's just me. I don't really like crowds so this shopping mall fits me totally. I have to say most of you won't like it. Its really dull. And the design is just terrible. The rubbish dump is like located near the entrance. Not to mention the location. Its like in the middle of no where. So don't go there. Even if its only a 10 minutes bus ride from town. Don't go there. Alright? Let me keep my peaceful shopping centre! Sheesh why am i even blogging about this secret shopping centre... Ok pretend you didn't read this post!
Signing out - 2/27/2008 09:24:00 PM

The 80th Academy awards, or more affectionately known as the Oscars, just ended. I seriously don't understand how "No country for old men" deserve to be best motion picture. In fact, most of you probably have not heard of most of the oscar nominated movies like Michael Clayton, There will be blood, Gone baby Gone etc. I only managed to catch No country for old men and i seriously don't think it deserves that award.

So anyway, i was thinking. Since we have no idea who the winners are and whether they deserve it, why bother about that award? So Im going to have my very own inaugural Film Awards!

Best Actor in a Leading Role

Who the hell is Daniel Day-Lewis... Anyway in 2007, the best actor comes to my mind instantly. This actor was so amazing in the movie, i could really feel for him. In fact, the movie wasn't good at all. The plot was a recycled one. Everything about it was predictable. But because of this actor's stellar performance, the movie was totally worth watching.

This actor is none other than Will Smith from I am Legend! Come on... I bet you can still remember the scene where he went into the building to find his dog. Remember how you were shaking and your heart was pounding... I almost wet my pants...

Best Actress in a Leading Role

Marion Cotillard. aaaa ok... Moving on... Best actress... I can't seem to think of anyone but... Keira Knightley! What what what! Not happy is it! It's Keira Knightley! Who cares about the acting... She is GORGEOUS! She so deserve to win it... All the guys agree with me. Nod nod... Even though the bloody movie was like 102 hours long(you mean it was only 3?), Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At world's end was worth it because we saw the strong side of Keira! Who can ever forget how she wore that cool chinese outfit and became the captain of the ship! It's like the time when we all fell in love with Lacus from Gundam Seed when she changed her robe and took control of the space ship... Will you marry me, Keira?

Best Animated Feature Film

The oscars went to Ratatouille. This one is seriously a no brainer. Of cos the rat will win. It's Pixar! Steve Job is like a genius! A rat that cooks! Come on! If you haven't watched this animation, WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?! Its cute. Its witty. Its funny. Its animation at its best! Of cos Finding Nemo is still better...

Best Picture

There are so many genre so i have decided to split them into the major ones since its hard to really declare the best. But honestly, No country for Old men is not the best... wonder what the coen brothers(the directors of the film) fed the critics...

Romance

This one definitely goes to Enchanted. I absolutely loved that movie. It has to be one of the best disney productions in a loong loong time. Ok wait.. there was high school musical too... but thats not counted. Enchanted was just so magical. It made me have faith in love again. To believe in true love. And the happily ever after even in the real world. However, not so good to watch with your girlfriend. I definitely can't. Im quite sure i will propose to her immediately after the movie, even if we have only dated for a week. hehe...

Comedy

Comedy is a lil tricky since i didn't watch much in 2007. But i remember laughing really hard in one movie. Blades of Glory. Call me a sadist. I remember i laughed so so hard when i watched the special forbidden skating move. I replayed the scene just to watch the head drop off again. haha... North Korea... Funny...

Action and Overall

If i had to choose the best movie of the year, i will choose Bourne Ultimatum. This movie totally blew me away. The first 2 installments of this trilogy was alright... I know people who loved it. I thought it wasn't that fantastic. Especially the second one... there was the blaire witch project effect. I came out of the movies with a terrible migrane. Stupid Bourne Supremacy... Anyway Ultimatum was totally different. The script was amazing. The directing was amazing. And the entertainment value was just WOW. I was kept on the edge of my seat the entire show. The twists and the turns were unpredictable. And Matt Damon was fantastic... Still can't believe he was voted hottest man alive 2007... What do the girls see in him...

So that's my pick of 2007. Feel free to disagree with me. Like i care. haha... So if you haven't watched any of these movies, go buy the dvd. DUN DOWNLOAD! YOU PIRATES! So before i sign off, i will leave you with this video of the song "Falling Slowly" from "Once". It's an Irish romance musical film that was highly rated in 2007. I don't think it was played in Singapore but the soundtrack is mesmerizing. Especially the theme song which won the Best Original Music in the oscars. Enjoy.

Signing out - 2/26/2008 12:54:00 AM

I take it many of you come here to de-stress and get a laugh. A friend of mine, Kaimin, showed me this video and its DROP DEAD HILARIOUS. I havent laughed so hard in my life. Seriously. I suggest you stop all eating and drinking before watching this video. I spilt my drink all over the floor because i couldn't control myself. I was laughing so so hard till some drink flowed into my lungs and i started having breathing difficulties.

It might take forever to load, like for me. I have no idea why i take ages to load youtube videos. Bloody starhub cable. Anyway this 4 minutes is all worth it. So wait for it to finish loading and have the laugh of your life. Enjoy!

Signing out - 2/24/2008 11:54:00 PM

A week has passed and im still jobless... Psh... A RJC graduate cant get a job... But all is good still. Besides the fact that money is magically disappearing from my wallet, life is still oh so good....

The joys of being jobless
1) Sleeping as late as you want.

2) Being able to throw the alarm clock away and wake up anytime i want to. My day no longer starts in the morning. It starts at noon. OH what joy it is to wake up at 12 noon!

3) First meal of the day - Lunch! Save money!

4) Watching the Oprah and Ellen marathon from 1-3pm.

5) To nap or not to nap... that is the question.

For those of you who are working, i sense your blood pressure rising just from reading this. Hehe... Join me in the "we are jobless and so lovin it" club!

But i still wish i could get a job...

Wouldn't it be great to be a movie critic? To be invited to all the exclusive screenings of the movies even before they are launched. To be paid to give your views about the movie. And have the power to decide the fate of the movie. Oh wait. They don't really have much power. Just look at Singaporeans. We love all those crappy shows like jumper and white chicks. Mention a show like Michael Clayton and everyone goes "Huh? Michael what? Got such movie meh? Is it about a clay man..." It's just depressing to see how we singaporeans have such bad taste for movies...

Wouldn't it be great to be a food critic? To go to all those posh restaurants and eat for free. To be paid to eat and give reviews. And have all the chefs and waiters suck up to you with their sudden extraordinary service. Suddenly they are all smiley and helpful. How many times have i been to a restaurant to be greeted by some black face waiter who first pretend to not see me waving for him, then ask me "What you want?" without looking at me, and then take 10 minutes to get me my glass of water. Singapore's customer service... PUI.

Wouldn't it be great to write for a magazine? Oh my dream job... To write for eight days. To work with a bunch of talented writers like Jason Hahn and Phin Wong... Those people just crack me up. To write reviews and articles which are published weekly and are read by thousands all over the island. And to be invited to all those fanciful parties and movie screenings. Basically, to be yourself and be paid for it.

Wouldn't it be great?
Signing out - 2/23/2008 12:32:00 AM

I just watched Jumper at shaw bugis... All i have to say is OMG...

#1 OMG SHAW! Close down already! Your cinemas are TERRIBLE! My back is aching now from the horrible seats! And i only sat there for one and a half hours. And no, its not because i don't exercise, thank you very much! I don't get this backache when i watch in Cathay. Seriously people. Why do we allow these cinemas to stay open?! If you ask me, only Cathay is worth going to. Ok so what if we have to pay 50 cents more now. At least i don't come out having to pay few hundreds in the future to repair my bad back. And why are the seats slightly elevated only?! It felt as if all the seats were on the same level and i was getting a neck ache watching the puny screen in the large room. Some day, someone is going to burn down that place! Don't get me started on LIDO!

#2 OMG JUMPER! Did you know that this is the first installment of a TRILOGY! Yes i know... for those of you who watched it, you are probably thinking what im thinking: A SEQUEL?! WTH?! Now let me tell you what the show is about. It's about 2 people who can teleport and a bunch of people chasing this 2 people around the world. Wow... that was easy. It's like "Free Willy". A whale called Willy who wants to be free. Anyway I can't wait to see how bad the sequel will do and im quite sure the third and final installment will not make it to the big screens and will go straight to the video stores.

I seriously can't think of anything good about that movie... Hayden Christensen "jumped" out of starwars into this movie. His acting is as bad as ever. Same facial expression throughout. And he is exactly like Anakin. Young, rash and stupid. I won't be surprise if he turns evil in the next installment of Jumper. Rachel Bilson too "jumped" from the OC to Ann Arbor. Same character, same look. Did they even use the same name... Psh the show was so forgettable, i cant remember. And isn't Samuel L Jackson a lil too old to be chasing these kids with a metal rod... How old is he anyway? Like 92 or something.

#3 OMG people in the same theatre as me! In the middle of the show, i heard a noise that sounded either like snoring or farting. Hmmm if it was snoring, i guess i can forgive him since the movie is bad... But if it was farting! OMG! And it seriously did sound more like farting to me. He actually chose to fart during the slow part of the show. The serious part when there was a conversation going on. Why oh why did you choose to fart during this time when you can fart during the action scene and release your gas undetected?! Be a little more discreet at least!

Omg that took me 15 minutes to edit the picture and to upload it... That is why i just have words on my blog...
Signing out - 2/21/2008 11:55:00 PM

This year is the year of birthday parties for me. All my friends are throwing their 21st birthday parties. Have been invited to quite a few and have already attended some. Mine is in a month time but im really too lazy to plan a big party. Im starting to feel this 21st thing is like a tradition. Like CNY. Everyone celebrates it but everyone hates it. Seriously. You think the birthday boy is happy? No... he has to entertain both his family and friends(which can be separated into another 4 categories of cliques.) You think the people invited are happy? No... i have to freaking buy him a birthday present when im already broke.

Anyway lets not spoil this joyous occasion to mark adulthood. I mean every year, we still celebrate CNY right? So the 21st must go on! And i have a few tips for everyone who is planning their 21st.

Tip 1: Have separate parties for your family and friends. Seriously... don't put the 2 groups together. Everyone will feel very odd. Celebrate with your family in some chinese restaurant where everyone can talk loudly and comment on how you have grown and how cute you used to be as a baby. Then choose a bar or a cafe to celebrate with your friends where there can be games and alcohol. Oh alcohol.. the saviour of boring parties... And no BBQ. Strictly no BBQ. It makes everyone all greasy and sweaty and smelly. Eick...

Tip 2: Have something to entertain your guests while they wait for the climax of the event, the cutting of the cake. Bring cards, board games, nintendo wii, a huge tv. Like how we need blackjack and mahjong during CNY to get rid of the awkwardness of having not seen each other for a year.

Tip 3: Choose a great tasting cake. Seriously people. Prima Deli and Bagawan Solo are for insignificant birthdays. Like when you are 19 or something. 21st is a milestone so get the best for everything. My recommendation :Bakerz Inn. Yes the price is steep but you get the best tasting cakes in the world. Usually i pretend to have a bite before tossing the rest away. Then i leave the party forgetting what flavour it was... was it chocolate or fruit... Give your guests a memorable cake!

Tip 4: If you got yourself a HUGE cake, do yourself a favor and get 21 candles instead of the miserable 2 big ones and 1 small one. Pay more if they refuse to give you so many candles. Get 21 candles. 3 candles on a gigantic cake is really pathetic... not to mention 21 candles will make the cake glow even if the design is terrible. But if you got your cake from bakerz inn, no need to worry about that.

Tip 5: Wear your most gorgeous clothes. And make all your friends wear nice too. You want to take a really pretty 21st photo instead of people wearing singlets and shorts and flipflops. If your 21st is glam, the rest of your life will be. So wear your best shirt. Wear a blazer even.

Tip 6: Appoint an emcee to help your party flow smoothly. Get someone with a sense of humor and close to you. Get a friend. Not a relative. But if you followed my tip 1, there wont be any relatives around. If you have been to one of those weddings ran by families, you will know what i am talking about. Those emcees who stare at their script and read it out monotonously, totally spoiling the atmosphere.

Tip 7: Prepare a speech. You are 21! Thank the people around you for making you who you are. Tell them what being 21 means to you. Tell them what you hope for in the future as you begin the next chapter of your life. And ask them for their support and that you guys will be friends forever. And to that, give a toast and cheers!

And that's my 7 tips of planning and executing a great 21st birthday party. Adhere to them and im sure it will be the most memorable birthday of your life. Not to mention your guests wont be staring at their watches, wondering when they can leave.
Signing out - 2/20/2008 05:20:00 PM

Our government recently announced the Budget for 2008 and as usual, there wasn't much surprise.

Assuming not many of you guys know what is happening, let me just highlight some stuff.

Our gov spend a whooping 40% of our budget on security and defense. Which means ALOT of money goes into the Singapore Armed Forces(SAF) and the Singapore Police Force(SPF). I guess defense is important to a country's development and growth. A safe country attracts many investors and rich people. But i wonder... have you seen our military force? Well if you have not, let me give you a glimpse of it, being from the SAF before.

Things you see in the SAF
1) NSFs do all the work. Regulars and DXOs just sit down and command the NSFs around. Basically, they don't work.

2) Schedule for most regulars
8am - Appear in office to read newspaper
9am- Upon finishing the papers, goes for breakfast
10am- Return to office to clear emails
12pm - Lunch
2pm - Return to office to read newpaper
3pm - Make some phonecalls that is definitely not related to work
4pm - Tea break
5pm - Chiong out of office
They spend most of their time in the canteen rather than working in the office. Basically, they don't work.

3) They declare off days for themselves. They play sports during office hours like golf and badminton. Basically, they don't work.

So yes. Basically, they don't work.

This makes me wonder whether the funds allocated to the security of the country is well spent. Then i realise why we do this. Apparently, its not the quality that counts but the quantity. If we cant scare our 'enemies' with our pathetic defense force, we shall scare them with our enormous budget!

Who cares about the quality of the soldiers. As long as they think we are filled with high tech equipment. Like those available in world war one. Who cares about the training of the soldiers. As long as they think we have an island filled with combat ready soldiers. An island filled with 18 year olds who are old enough to fire rifles but not old enough to watch movies which are excessively violent.

Our defense force rawks!

So anyway you will be happy to know that our government still spends quite alot on education though significantly less than security. And of cos the annual cash give away of $100-400. I feel like im in a country governed by Ellen Degeneres! Free money lah! But of cos they say its to relief the hike in GST. However, if you think of it that way, you will realise that few hundred is not enough to relief the anxiety and depression i get everytime i see the receipt after every purchase. Hence, see it as a give away. You will feel so much better. But still... I wish Singapore was governed by Oprah. Then can get free car! But only for show in garage. Since its so bloody expensive to maintain and drive one...
Signing out - 2/19/2008 09:36:00 PM

The weekends are usually busy periods for me so don't expect me to blog then.

So anyway this is the first weekend for my blog. I got great reviews from people the past week. Many people coming up to me telling me this blog is dead hilarious. And i just cant wait to bring you guys more stuff. Hopefully this blog will make you more aware of current affairs with a twist of humor.

Over the weekend, i did some evaluation on how to improve this blog. Apparently, SOMEBODY say that the blog entries are long and dronny(if there is such a word). What to do... i like to drone on about stuff... So that one... cannot be helped! Maybe i will add more paragraphings? hehe.

Then someone told me pictures speak a thousand words. Apparently, no picture no talk. It's some blog language apparently... never heard of it.. but oh well.. Ok.. so i should put up pictures to bring across my point more effectively. That i can do. Hopefully i can figure out how to use the super confusing adobe photoshop.

Like what bruce said. There is a lot of things i can talk about. This week, you can expect me to comment on the Budget, 21st parties, more about the wonderful people of Singapore and anything i find particularly interesting on the roads. So here we go! Week 2!
Signing out - 2/19/2008 02:59:00 AM

as of 1800 hrs 15 Feb 08, I am no longer an employee of UOB.

If you don't know yet, i have been working at UOB from 1 Feb. You must be thinking: wow so glam. Bank leh. UOB somemore. Isn't that like one of the best banks in Asia... wow derrick so zhai... Sorry to burst your bubble. (Except for the part that i am zhai. i totally agree with that. nod nod nod.) I was working at UOB Life assurance, the insurance part of the bank. Apparently its a "member of the UOB group".

Unfortunately, i didn't work in the UOB building which is beautifully located beside the Singapore river across the victoria concert hall. Instead, i worked at far eastern bank building which is somewhere in between raffles place and tanjong pagar mrt. Far eastern what? Exactly what i was thinking when i first heard the location. I had trouble finding it the first day. I ended up asking some security guard "do you know where is china bank or something like that?" Far eastern sounds cheena to me lah... To that he gave me a puzzled look and said " i think its across the road" Seriously, people... if you don't know where the place is... just say so.. dun point people in random direction lah... i walked across the road to realise that the place i was looking for was right beside the building where i found the security guard...

So anyway, you are probably wondering: so what did you do? Sell insurance ah? Over my dead body lah. I was a temp admin assistant, but i prefer to call myself the photocopier expert. That's right! In this 2 weeks, i basically photocopied documents, filed them and dispatch them. In fact, i spent an average of 4 hours every day at the copier machine.

Sounds bad right... But it was alright lah. I mean i had to make the best out of the situation. Hence every hour, i declare a 5 min break for myself. I will walk over to the pantry and visit the highlight of my job: the drink machine with dispenses drinks for FREE! Free leh! Got coke, diet coke, f&n, sprite, coffee, tea, teh bing, mocha, chrysanthemum... alot lah... What do you expect! They pay me only 6 bucks an hour lah! (actually 9.. since stupid recruit express takes 1/3 of it... rip off...) Not to mention the every 2 hour toilet break that i will take. hehehe...

So anyway, im currently jobless (yes.. AGAIN) but i am so enjoying it. Will probably be jumping around jobs. Maybe you will see me at starbucks some day? Tall or Grande?
Signing out - 2/15/2008 11:28:00 PM

Isn't it interesting how every year during valentines, everyone starts a debate about whether we should celebrate it and whether we should buy gifts etc? EVERY YEAR! Apparently we are so fickled minded, we cant make up our minds once and for all. You know what. I know a way to settle this problem.

My solution is declare valentines day a PUBLIC HOLIDAY! Yup yup... a public holiday! Firstly, everyone will rejoice if that is implemented. But thats not the reason why i suggest for it to be a public holiday. (seriously! That's not the reason! We already got 12 days of holiday a year! That averages out to one per month! ONE! Thats alot lor... :P like my lonely 2 dollar ang bao)

The reason is after you declare it a holiday, everyone will celebrate it. There wont be any more debates and forums about it. Do you hear anyone debating whether we should celebrate christmas even though technically, 25 dec is not the day Jesus was born on? Every year, the streets of orchard road is transformed into a magical winter wonderland in the tropics for this holiday. No one is complaining right? Although the pine tree companies are profiting(thats the christmas tree right?). Although Hallmark makes insanely expensive cards. Although printing companies go into full speed to produce enough wrapping paper to gift wrap the entire Alaska and all its icebergs which later all goes into the rubbish bin and incinerated back into carbon dioxide after being RIPPED apart by some kid(and me!). Yes... im against wrapping paper...

Psh i digress... So anyway! Don't you think valentines should be a public holiday? We can fill the entire orchard road with hearts and cupids... aww... show the sweet and soft side of us unfriendly myob attitude singaporeans.... Will be good for our global image too!

I didn't write this because i had to wake up early this morning to go to work and leave work slightly late... I write this because its seriously a good idea! (nodnodnod)

So anyway like i promised, i will share a lil about myself. Today, i had the best v day eva! No i didn't make out with anyone... But i had a great time with my CG at mind cafe. Oh man we totally messed up the place. We were shouting, screaming, pushing, punching, taopoking, dancing, fighting, quacking. At the end of the day, our table was no where near its original location, drinks were spilled, and everyone was sweating and panting hard. After today, i might consider staying single during all v day! hehe... just kidding. Something i realise though. Everytime i spend a holiday with this cg of mine, it turns out to be the best holiday. I had the best v day with them. I had the best christmas with them. I can't wait to have the best easter with them! I love you guys!

Oh and thanks for tagging! Pls do tag more! Makes me feel popular! haha... kidding kidding. And yes i think the papers should hire me. Do you guys read mypaper? Omg.. who on earth hired those writers... They are terrible lah.... They write stuff that are like duh... oh dun go to work when ya sick.. wear mask.. omg.. seriously.. SARS is over! Talk about something more important man... like britney attempting suicide! And start a bidding pool on who is the next star to attempt suicide! My bet is on Michael Jackson! Apparently he is releasing a new album soon.

I can imagine what he is thinking... "Oh my life is miserable... everyone thinks i like kids... whats wrong with that... why does everyone not understand me... i happen to like them alot... i shall just end my life... this cruel life... hopefully you guys will buy my album to show me life isn't cruel and that i can go back to my favourite antique shop and go on my shopping spree... WILFRED! Get me that blunt butter knife!"
Signing out - 2/14/2008 11:50:00 PM

Talking about public transportation makes me wanna talk about our roads. Do you guys know how freaking expensive it is to own/drive a car? Everything about cars is expensive now. Maintenance is expensive. Petrol is expensive. Parking the car is expensive. And the best part is that you never get a good deal with a car.

Firstly, the prices of car depreciates as fast as the prices of handphones. It only takes a few months for the price to drop to a fraction. So whoever claims owning a car is an investment, he is either a bad investor or stupid.

Secondly, you pay money to enter a carpark, but most of the time you will find yourself circling the carpark for a lot. Happens all the time at suntec, vivo, marina square etc. It's like im paying to enter the driving school circuit. Circle round and round and round. And that's only the entry. Apparently at vivo, you have to queue to get out. Ridiculous... OH and not to mention those idiots who get out of their cars and run around the carpark to look for a space and when they see it, they quickly run to the lot and stand on it till their friend drives to that lot... omg... why not use a tissue paper instead... just in case some driver might decide to ignore your presence on the lot and just drive over you... drivers like me...

Thirdly, with all the new ERP gantries opening up everywhere, money from our cash cards are magically disappearing as we cruise down our highways. Oh wait, i can't use the word 'cruise'. Apparently, even though im paying to use the expressways which is suppose to be EXPRESS, it's not. I find myself joining the whole bunch of idiots who just paid to enter a bigger traffic jam. So what's the point of placing the ERP and increasing the price?! Instead, they have decided to add more gantries! Rumor has it that someone snuck into LTA(is it LTA? which ever government agency in charge of ERP la) and saw their future plans. Apparently by the year 2010, gantries will be situated at every housing entrance. The moment the car leaves the gate, *di*, 5 dollars gone.

It is no surprise the use of public transport is increasing. (except the cabs... omg dun get me started on how bloody expensive taking a cab is nowadays...) So ditch our cars and lets all take public transport! This will make all the buses and trains even more packed during peak hour. Which will help me in my cause. Amazing Race! Come to Singapore again!
Signing out - 2/12/2008 09:40:00 PM

Probably one of the most boring category in the emmies is Best Reality TV show. This is because every year, The Amazing Race will win. I am not an amazing race fan, but as they enter their one hundred and thirty one season( you mean its less than that? It refuses to disappear like days of our lives!), there is one thing i realise about that game. They never fail to go to India.

Apparently the producers of the show love to watch the contestants squeeze into crowded buses, navigate their way through overpopulated markets and sympathise some poor kids along the way. Or at least they think we the audience love to watch them suffer there.

With this, i would like to appeal to the producers of The Amazing Race to come back to Singapore again! Yeah i know you guys came once and it was totally boring. Apparently all we had to offer was Phua Chu Kang, HDBs and our fountain of wealth at suntec. We even showed you our zoo, which you can find in every other country. But i mean where do you expect us to bring you guys to? The movies? (which happens to be the only thing Singaporeans can do when they are out.)

But the other day, as i was travelling on MRT, it hit me! We can offer you our peak hour public transport system! You heard me right! We offer you an alternative to what India offers you. I think by now, we are quite bored of seeing caucasians squeezing into a bus full of indians. So come to Singapore, and make your contestants squeeze into a train/bus full of unfriendly singaporeans! We offer you the same sardine packed situation. You will not be able to breath because the people around you will either smell of really bad BO or really strong cologne, something you will not get in India(except the BO part).

Just to give you an example. That day on the train, it was so packed, i was pressed against this lady. Our bodies were facing each other, but we refused to look at each other. I couldn't help but sneak occasional glaces to see what's her expression. Could see that she was probably day dreaming that she was in a large field running around lilies and daisies. I almost wanted to burst into laughter. Then some idiot behind me kept pushing me to get more space, which means i was being pressed harder against her... like grinding... then it wasn't so funny anymore. Actually... it got funnier. Thinking about it now... hehe...

And i bet i am not the only person who faces the problem of overcrowded buses and trains every day. So the people at amazing race. Seriously. Think about it. I am offering you a million dollar idea!
Signing out - 2/11/2008 09:03:00 PM

The chinese new year hols are coming to an end and i want to talk about the unspoken rule during CNY 08.

So i was at my big/first uncle's place(direct translation from chinese) on the first day of new year. All my relatives will gather there instead of visiting one house at a time. Thank God my relatives are quite smart. I would have died if i had to visit like 10 houses that day. The weather was so bloody hot, i was feeling fainty the entire time. Not to mention there was no AIRCON! Seriously. Invest in an aircon if you are planning to get the entire family of 10 siblings into your HDB.

But thats not the point. After collecting all the ang paos, i quickly escaped with my sister from those meaningless small talks and awkward silence after every 2 lines.
Relative: So finish your army?
Me: Yup. Just 2 months ago.
*5 seconds of silence*
Relative: Studying university?
Me: Yup. I will be heading to NYU in August.
Relative: Nan Yang University?
Me: No... New York University.
Relative: Wow...
*5 seconds of silence*
Relative: The chicken rice is really good ah.
Me: Yup.
*silence as we gobble down the food and quickly run back to the TV couch*

Again i have digress. I apologise. So i was home relaxing in my 16 degress airconditioned room. Decided to count my ang pao money. So i slowly open the ang paos. Alright fine. You got me. I ripped them open. And to my horror, i found a 2 dollar note in one ang pao. A. ONE. YI. SATU. One lonely pathetic 2 dollar note.

Seriously! I thought it was clear! In 2008, with all the inflation going on and price hike etc, i was quite sure there was this unspoken rule that in CNY 2008, the minimum ang pao sum is $4! I read about it on mypaper(that free paper that has english and chinese on it. I read it every morning. The english section that is. hehe) that everyone agreed $4 is the minimum.

$2! What can you buy with that miserable $2! You can't even get a plate of chicken rice or a bowl of wanton mee. And i wont be surprise if the $2 shop has disappeared from existance. $2! That barely covers my transportation cost to the house if i took public transport! (Public transport for CNY visitation... omg... kudos to those who did that...)

Then of course i read the section on the mypaper which someone commented:"I don't mind $2. It's the thought that counts anyway." THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS?! Firstly, it's TRADITION to give ang pao, who cares about the thought. Secondly, if you consider the thought, you will be fuming mad. The thought that is probably racing through that miser's head is "ok so if i give $2, and my siblings give at least $4, then i earn at least $2 per kid! Whoot! I love Chinese New Year! Big money Big money!"

Then i sense some people will throw rotten eggs at me saying "But they might be in a financial crisis!" I tried to put myself in their shoes... Nope i still think giving $2 is out of the question. How many relatives can you possibly have? Is setting aside $100 for CNY too ridiculous? That will give you 25 kids to give out to! And it only happens once a year! It just shows poor planning of finance.

Ok i have said enough. If only i can remember who gave me that 2 dollar note... Anyway i will be using that 2 dollar note to buy something to ease my pain. Maybe rubber bands or something...
Signing out - 2/10/2008 11:00:00 AM

Yes thats right! Im back! I am so excited to start blogging again! And this time im going to focus more on issues. Issues which i believe are crucial to our society and should be looked into. Maybe i will blog a lil about my life. After all, it is full of drama n comedy and you people just love to get a scoop of other people's life so i shall not deprive you of that. But thats not the point. The point is to talk about these issues. And on my debut return post, i shall talk about this issue which i just cant believe is happening. The issue of the tissue paper booking system.

I heard about it from my sister and from Jason Hahn's books(read them! they are drop dead hilarious!) but i never really seen it in action so i thought maybe it doesnt happen often. But to my horror, on my first day of temp work at raffles place(yes.. i will talk about my exciting job some other time), when i went to amoy street hawker centre to eat, tissue paper packets were EVERYWHERE.

I don't mean on the floor. It was lying on all the chairs. I was absolutely shocked. Not so about how audacious and inconsider singaporeans are to use tissue paper packets to book their seats, but of how we singaporeans actually ACCEPT it and allow it to happen. It's absolutely amazing.

I know singaporeans are often inconsiderate and not very friendly people(land of 4 million smiles?! PUI). I have learnt to accept that. But the fact that singaporeans actually allow this booking system to be put in place either proves that my previous theory is wrong and that singaporeans are actually considerate and patient and understanding, or we are just plain stupid.

After much thinking, i just know the former is impossible. My 21 years here have shown me that. Just walk into any bus or train in the morning and say 'Good morning!' to any singaporean. You will then realise in the Singapore dictionary, there is no such thing as a good morning. You will only get a black face to 'brighten up' your day.

So it has to be the latter. Singaporeans are stupid. I hate to admit it, being a singaporean myself. But can there be another explanation to why we acknowledge such a stupid booking system?

The worst part of it all is that even though i think it's stupid, i comply to it as well, walking in circles around the hawker centre hoping to find an empty table when there are empty tables everywhere. Oh wait. They aren't empty. They are occupied. By Tissue Papers!
Signing out - 2/10/2008 12:05:00 AM

Yesterday, i was flipping through mypapers. Its my usual daily routine now. Have decided that since i am planning to do business in university, i better start developing the habit of reading the papers. Hopefully it won't be like my JC days where my Newsweek magazines piled up in my room, all still freshly wrapped in its original plastic cover. And i know many of you are culprits to that too! Damn those magazine companies... keep telling us to buy buy buy to help us with our GP...

So anyway, one article made my jaw drop. The headlines read "IDIOT PEES IN MRT TRAIN". Ok it was more like boy pees in the mrt but omg!!! WHAT AN IDIOT! I think thats too light for him. Apparently, while the train was travelling somewhere around Tanjong Pagar, a woman brought her kid to the door and got him to pee at the door. How disgusting is that!

But after giving it a little thought... you know... it was bound to happen... I mean people in Singapore pee in the HDB lifts... In. The. Lifts. I still don't understand why people pee in the lifts and will never understand. But if singaporeans can pee in the lifts, we can definitely pee in the train.

I mean the environment is pretty similar. Most HDB lifts i know are green/blue... Most trains have green flooring and blue seats. HDB lifts are litted by fluorescent lights... so are trains. Most HDB lifts have that 2 piece glass panel on the door so you can see the floors as you go up(which really freaks me out. They should abolish that... I keep thinking some freaky girl from the movie dark waters will be standing there watching me as my lift goes up)... trains too. Lastly, both lifts and train are forms of transport.

So technically, the environment is pretty similar. So what we get is this formula:
Green/Blue background + fluorescent lights + glass panel + moving = uncontrollable desire to pee

Just thinking about it makes me sick. Apparently, as people walk into the train, they stepped on the puddle and made the entire train wet with what they thought was water. Eick! I am so not entering the train if i see a puddle in it ever again...

Plus you know what i thought was funny about the article. They actually went around interviewing people to get their comments. So people were saying "It is wrong", "this should not happen", "i will not allow my kid to pee on the train". And i was like... seriously... do we need comments about this? ITS OBVIOUSLY VERY WRONG AND VERY DISGUSTING! I don't need some housewife telling me why she thinks its wrong...

And wait. I save the best for the last. The best part of it all was that as the boy was peeing, everyone on the carriage was staring at him but NO ONE did anything. NO ONE. And they didnt even warn the crowd stepping into the train. SERIOUSLY. What is wrong with us, Singaporeans! That we cant seem to distinguish between what is right and wrong and do something about it when the time calls for it? No wonder we have to go around asking comments about this incident! *Faint*

My fellow Singaporeans. I urge you to step up to the challenge of taking the iniative to do something when something like this happens. Maybe the guys are used to seeing people anyhow pee since they did that in the army. BUT THIS IS CIVILIZATION! Or at least i thought it was... Don't let this spread to the public buses which i take frequently since the train station is far from my house. Please oh please....

Anyway on a lighter note: The terrorist guy who escaped from the detention centre is still at large in Singapore. Do stay away from trains, especially planes for the time being. They are the favourite targets for terrorist. Take bus. It's safer and cheaper. Plus you get to avoid the pee puddle since the trend haven't spread to the buses yet. Nod nod. But i worry... According to the formula... It won't be long before i see puddles in the bus even though it's blazing hot outside...

My sister stays around the pebble bay area. It's the bunch of condos located by the ECP and its just across the river from the Indoor Stadium. Since i go by her place pretty often, i tend to stop by Kallang Leisure Park just to grab some stuff or idle. It's the newly renovated shopping centre located near the stadium. And i have to tell you. I. Am. So. Loving. That place.

1) It's absolutely deserted! No one goes there. The number of staff in that shopping centre outnumbers the patrons! It's not the usual crowded shopping centre like Vivo or Marina Square where i get giddy trying to make my way through the human traffic. In fact, it is so quiet and peaceful, its like going to a park with aircon. Whoot!

2) The cold storage there is the best supermart in Singapore. It's absolutely gorgeous. Everything inside just looks fresher than the usual supermart. The colour, the texture, the glow of the fruits and vegetables... Everything looks untouched, as if im the very first customer in the supermart. All the shelves are packed with food and in order. The aircon is bloody cold which is oh so good for me. (yes i know. im cold blooded. My optimum temperature is below 15 degrees.) The best part is that there are hardly any patrons! No playing snakes in the supermart where i have to navigate myself and my trolley around kids who are running around with unwrapped sweets they just got off the shelf or housewives who cant decide which toilet paper to buy. Seriously! It's like playing bumber car in there! Not to mention i don't have to queue at the casher for half an hour like at Giant.

3) The cinema is commendable. The seats are great. There is plenty of leg room. The air con is just nice. But again, the best part is that there is no one! So i can buy the tickets 1 minute before the show starts and still get the best seats in the cinema. And its perfect to watch those shows that you want to watch but no one seems to share the same interest as you. You won't have to worry about being caught watching a movie alone. And its perfect for couples too. It's like having your own private cinema.

4) Not to mention there is an ice skating ring, a bowling alley, Kbox and a hand full of small eateries.

But it's just me. I don't really like crowds so this shopping mall fits me totally. I have to say most of you won't like it. Its really dull. And the design is just terrible. The rubbish dump is like located near the entrance. Not to mention the location. Its like in the middle of no where. So don't go there. Even if its only a 10 minutes bus ride from town. Don't go there. Alright? Let me keep my peaceful shopping centre! Sheesh why am i even blogging about this secret shopping centre... Ok pretend you didn't read this post!

The 80th Academy awards, or more affectionately known as the Oscars, just ended. I seriously don't understand how "No country for old men" deserve to be best motion picture. In fact, most of you probably have not heard of most of the oscar nominated movies like Michael Clayton, There will be blood, Gone baby Gone etc. I only managed to catch No country for old men and i seriously don't think it deserves that award.

So anyway, i was thinking. Since we have no idea who the winners are and whether they deserve it, why bother about that award? So Im going to have my very own inaugural Film Awards!

Best Actor in a Leading Role

Who the hell is Daniel Day-Lewis... Anyway in 2007, the best actor comes to my mind instantly. This actor was so amazing in the movie, i could really feel for him. In fact, the movie wasn't good at all. The plot was a recycled one. Everything about it was predictable. But because of this actor's stellar performance, the movie was totally worth watching.

This actor is none other than Will Smith from I am Legend! Come on... I bet you can still remember the scene where he went into the building to find his dog. Remember how you were shaking and your heart was pounding... I almost wet my pants...

Best Actress in a Leading Role

Marion Cotillard. aaaa ok... Moving on... Best actress... I can't seem to think of anyone but... Keira Knightley! What what what! Not happy is it! It's Keira Knightley! Who cares about the acting... She is GORGEOUS! She so deserve to win it... All the guys agree with me. Nod nod... Even though the bloody movie was like 102 hours long(you mean it was only 3?), Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At world's end was worth it because we saw the strong side of Keira! Who can ever forget how she wore that cool chinese outfit and became the captain of the ship! It's like the time when we all fell in love with Lacus from Gundam Seed when she changed her robe and took control of the space ship... Will you marry me, Keira?

Best Animated Feature Film

The oscars went to Ratatouille. This one is seriously a no brainer. Of cos the rat will win. It's Pixar! Steve Job is like a genius! A rat that cooks! Come on! If you haven't watched this animation, WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?! Its cute. Its witty. Its funny. Its animation at its best! Of cos Finding Nemo is still better...

Best Picture

There are so many genre so i have decided to split them into the major ones since its hard to really declare the best. But honestly, No country for Old men is not the best... wonder what the coen brothers(the directors of the film) fed the critics...

Romance

This one definitely goes to Enchanted. I absolutely loved that movie. It has to be one of the best disney productions in a loong loong time. Ok wait.. there was high school musical too... but thats not counted. Enchanted was just so magical. It made me have faith in love again. To believe in true love. And the happily ever after even in the real world. However, not so good to watch with your girlfriend. I definitely can't. Im quite sure i will propose to her immediately after the movie, even if we have only dated for a week. hehe...

Comedy

Comedy is a lil tricky since i didn't watch much in 2007. But i remember laughing really hard in one movie. Blades of Glory. Call me a sadist. I remember i laughed so so hard when i watched the special forbidden skating move. I replayed the scene just to watch the head drop off again. haha... North Korea... Funny...

Action and Overall

If i had to choose the best movie of the year, i will choose Bourne Ultimatum. This movie totally blew me away. The first 2 installments of this trilogy was alright... I know people who loved it. I thought it wasn't that fantastic. Especially the second one... there was the blaire witch project effect. I came out of the movies with a terrible migrane. Stupid Bourne Supremacy... Anyway Ultimatum was totally different. The script was amazing. The directing was amazing. And the entertainment value was just WOW. I was kept on the edge of my seat the entire show. The twists and the turns were unpredictable. And Matt Damon was fantastic... Still can't believe he was voted hottest man alive 2007... What do the girls see in him...

So that's my pick of 2007. Feel free to disagree with me. Like i care. haha... So if you haven't watched any of these movies, go buy the dvd. DUN DOWNLOAD! YOU PIRATES! So before i sign off, i will leave you with this video of the song "Falling Slowly" from "Once". It's an Irish romance musical film that was highly rated in 2007. I don't think it was played in Singapore but the soundtrack is mesmerizing. Especially the theme song which won the Best Original Music in the oscars. Enjoy.

I take it many of you come here to de-stress and get a laugh. A friend of mine, Kaimin, showed me this video and its DROP DEAD HILARIOUS. I havent laughed so hard in my life. Seriously. I suggest you stop all eating and drinking before watching this video. I spilt my drink all over the floor because i couldn't control myself. I was laughing so so hard till some drink flowed into my lungs and i started having breathing difficulties.

It might take forever to load, like for me. I have no idea why i take ages to load youtube videos. Bloody starhub cable. Anyway this 4 minutes is all worth it. So wait for it to finish loading and have the laugh of your life. Enjoy!

A week has passed and im still jobless... Psh... A RJC graduate cant get a job... But all is good still. Besides the fact that money is magically disappearing from my wallet, life is still oh so good....

The joys of being jobless
1) Sleeping as late as you want.

2) Being able to throw the alarm clock away and wake up anytime i want to. My day no longer starts in the morning. It starts at noon. OH what joy it is to wake up at 12 noon!

3) First meal of the day - Lunch! Save money!

4) Watching the Oprah and Ellen marathon from 1-3pm.

5) To nap or not to nap... that is the question.

For those of you who are working, i sense your blood pressure rising just from reading this. Hehe... Join me in the "we are jobless and so lovin it" club!

But i still wish i could get a job...

Wouldn't it be great to be a movie critic? To be invited to all the exclusive screenings of the movies even before they are launched. To be paid to give your views about the movie. And have the power to decide the fate of the movie. Oh wait. They don't really have much power. Just look at Singaporeans. We love all those crappy shows like jumper and white chicks. Mention a show like Michael Clayton and everyone goes "Huh? Michael what? Got such movie meh? Is it about a clay man..." It's just depressing to see how we singaporeans have such bad taste for movies...

Wouldn't it be great to be a food critic? To go to all those posh restaurants and eat for free. To be paid to eat and give reviews. And have all the chefs and waiters suck up to you with their sudden extraordinary service. Suddenly they are all smiley and helpful. How many times have i been to a restaurant to be greeted by some black face waiter who first pretend to not see me waving for him, then ask me "What you want?" without looking at me, and then take 10 minutes to get me my glass of water. Singapore's customer service... PUI.

Wouldn't it be great to write for a magazine? Oh my dream job... To write for eight days. To work with a bunch of talented writers like Jason Hahn and Phin Wong... Those people just crack me up. To write reviews and articles which are published weekly and are read by thousands all over the island. And to be invited to all those fanciful parties and movie screenings. Basically, to be yourself and be paid for it.

Wouldn't it be great?

I just watched Jumper at shaw bugis... All i have to say is OMG...

#1 OMG SHAW! Close down already! Your cinemas are TERRIBLE! My back is aching now from the horrible seats! And i only sat there for one and a half hours. And no, its not because i don't exercise, thank you very much! I don't get this backache when i watch in Cathay. Seriously people. Why do we allow these cinemas to stay open?! If you ask me, only Cathay is worth going to. Ok so what if we have to pay 50 cents more now. At least i don't come out having to pay few hundreds in the future to repair my bad back. And why are the seats slightly elevated only?! It felt as if all the seats were on the same level and i was getting a neck ache watching the puny screen in the large room. Some day, someone is going to burn down that place! Don't get me started on LIDO!

#2 OMG JUMPER! Did you know that this is the first installment of a TRILOGY! Yes i know... for those of you who watched it, you are probably thinking what im thinking: A SEQUEL?! WTH?! Now let me tell you what the show is about. It's about 2 people who can teleport and a bunch of people chasing this 2 people around the world. Wow... that was easy. It's like "Free Willy". A whale called Willy who wants to be free. Anyway I can't wait to see how bad the sequel will do and im quite sure the third and final installment will not make it to the big screens and will go straight to the video stores.

I seriously can't think of anything good about that movie... Hayden Christensen "jumped" out of starwars into this movie. His acting is as bad as ever. Same facial expression throughout. And he is exactly like Anakin. Young, rash and stupid. I won't be surprise if he turns evil in the next installment of Jumper. Rachel Bilson too "jumped" from the OC to Ann Arbor. Same character, same look. Did they even use the same name... Psh the show was so forgettable, i cant remember. And isn't Samuel L Jackson a lil too old to be chasing these kids with a metal rod... How old is he anyway? Like 92 or something.

#3 OMG people in the same theatre as me! In the middle of the show, i heard a noise that sounded either like snoring or farting. Hmmm if it was snoring, i guess i can forgive him since the movie is bad... But if it was farting! OMG! And it seriously did sound more like farting to me. He actually chose to fart during the slow part of the show. The serious part when there was a conversation going on. Why oh why did you choose to fart during this time when you can fart during the action scene and release your gas undetected?! Be a little more discreet at least!

Omg that took me 15 minutes to edit the picture and to upload it... That is why i just have words on my blog...

This year is the year of birthday parties for me. All my friends are throwing their 21st birthday parties. Have been invited to quite a few and have already attended some. Mine is in a month time but im really too lazy to plan a big party. Im starting to feel this 21st thing is like a tradition. Like CNY. Everyone celebrates it but everyone hates it. Seriously. You think the birthday boy is happy? No... he has to entertain both his family and friends(which can be separated into another 4 categories of cliques.) You think the people invited are happy? No... i have to freaking buy him a birthday present when im already broke.

Anyway lets not spoil this joyous occasion to mark adulthood. I mean every year, we still celebrate CNY right? So the 21st must go on! And i have a few tips for everyone who is planning their 21st.

Tip 1: Have separate parties for your family and friends. Seriously... don't put the 2 groups together. Everyone will feel very odd. Celebrate with your family in some chinese restaurant where everyone can talk loudly and comment on how you have grown and how cute you used to be as a baby. Then choose a bar or a cafe to celebrate with your friends where there can be games and alcohol. Oh alcohol.. the saviour of boring parties... And no BBQ. Strictly no BBQ. It makes everyone all greasy and sweaty and smelly. Eick...

Tip 2: Have something to entertain your guests while they wait for the climax of the event, the cutting of the cake. Bring cards, board games, nintendo wii, a huge tv. Like how we need blackjack and mahjong during CNY to get rid of the awkwardness of having not seen each other for a year.

Tip 3: Choose a great tasting cake. Seriously people. Prima Deli and Bagawan Solo are for insignificant birthdays. Like when you are 19 or something. 21st is a milestone so get the best for everything. My recommendation :Bakerz Inn. Yes the price is steep but you get the best tasting cakes in the world. Usually i pretend to have a bite before tossing the rest away. Then i leave the party forgetting what flavour it was... was it chocolate or fruit... Give your guests a memorable cake!

Tip 4: If you got yourself a HUGE cake, do yourself a favor and get 21 candles instead of the miserable 2 big ones and 1 small one. Pay more if they refuse to give you so many candles. Get 21 candles. 3 candles on a gigantic cake is really pathetic... not to mention 21 candles will make the cake glow even if the design is terrible. But if you got your cake from bakerz inn, no need to worry about that.

Tip 5: Wear your most gorgeous clothes. And make all your friends wear nice too. You want to take a really pretty 21st photo instead of people wearing singlets and shorts and flipflops. If your 21st is glam, the rest of your life will be. So wear your best shirt. Wear a blazer even.

Tip 6: Appoint an emcee to help your party flow smoothly. Get someone with a sense of humor and close to you. Get a friend. Not a relative. But if you followed my tip 1, there wont be any relatives around. If you have been to one of those weddings ran by families, you will know what i am talking about. Those emcees who stare at their script and read it out monotonously, totally spoiling the atmosphere.

Tip 7: Prepare a speech. You are 21! Thank the people around you for making you who you are. Tell them what being 21 means to you. Tell them what you hope for in the future as you begin the next chapter of your life. And ask them for their support and that you guys will be friends forever. And to that, give a toast and cheers!

And that's my 7 tips of planning and executing a great 21st birthday party. Adhere to them and im sure it will be the most memorable birthday of your life. Not to mention your guests wont be staring at their watches, wondering when they can leave.

Our government recently announced the Budget for 2008 and as usual, there wasn't much surprise.

Assuming not many of you guys know what is happening, let me just highlight some stuff.

Our gov spend a whooping 40% of our budget on security and defense. Which means ALOT of money goes into the Singapore Armed Forces(SAF) and the Singapore Police Force(SPF). I guess defense is important to a country's development and growth. A safe country attracts many investors and rich people. But i wonder... have you seen our military force? Well if you have not, let me give you a glimpse of it, being from the SAF before.

Things you see in the SAF
1) NSFs do all the work. Regulars and DXOs just sit down and command the NSFs around. Basically, they don't work.

2) Schedule for most regulars
8am - Appear in office to read newspaper
9am- Upon finishing the papers, goes for breakfast
10am- Return to office to clear emails
12pm - Lunch
2pm - Return to office to read newpaper
3pm - Make some phonecalls that is definitely not related to work
4pm - Tea break
5pm - Chiong out of office
They spend most of their time in the canteen rather than working in the office. Basically, they don't work.

3) They declare off days for themselves. They play sports during office hours like golf and badminton. Basically, they don't work.

So yes. Basically, they don't work.

This makes me wonder whether the funds allocated to the security of the country is well spent. Then i realise why we do this. Apparently, its not the quality that counts but the quantity. If we cant scare our 'enemies' with our pathetic defense force, we shall scare them with our enormous budget!

Who cares about the quality of the soldiers. As long as they think we are filled with high tech equipment. Like those available in world war one. Who cares about the training of the soldiers. As long as they think we have an island filled with combat ready soldiers. An island filled with 18 year olds who are old enough to fire rifles but not old enough to watch movies which are excessively violent.

Our defense force rawks!

So anyway you will be happy to know that our government still spends quite alot on education though significantly less than security. And of cos the annual cash give away of $100-400. I feel like im in a country governed by Ellen Degeneres! Free money lah! But of cos they say its to relief the hike in GST. However, if you think of it that way, you will realise that few hundred is not enough to relief the anxiety and depression i get everytime i see the receipt after every purchase. Hence, see it as a give away. You will feel so much better. But still... I wish Singapore was governed by Oprah. Then can get free car! But only for show in garage. Since its so bloody expensive to maintain and drive one...

The weekends are usually busy periods for me so don't expect me to blog then.

So anyway this is the first weekend for my blog. I got great reviews from people the past week. Many people coming up to me telling me this blog is dead hilarious. And i just cant wait to bring you guys more stuff. Hopefully this blog will make you more aware of current affairs with a twist of humor.

Over the weekend, i did some evaluation on how to improve this blog. Apparently, SOMEBODY say that the blog entries are long and dronny(if there is such a word). What to do... i like to drone on about stuff... So that one... cannot be helped! Maybe i will add more paragraphings? hehe.

Then someone told me pictures speak a thousand words. Apparently, no picture no talk. It's some blog language apparently... never heard of it.. but oh well.. Ok.. so i should put up pictures to bring across my point more effectively. That i can do. Hopefully i can figure out how to use the super confusing adobe photoshop.

Like what bruce said. There is a lot of things i can talk about. This week, you can expect me to comment on the Budget, 21st parties, more about the wonderful people of Singapore and anything i find particularly interesting on the roads. So here we go! Week 2!

as of 1800 hrs 15 Feb 08, I am no longer an employee of UOB.

If you don't know yet, i have been working at UOB from 1 Feb. You must be thinking: wow so glam. Bank leh. UOB somemore. Isn't that like one of the best banks in Asia... wow derrick so zhai... Sorry to burst your bubble. (Except for the part that i am zhai. i totally agree with that. nod nod nod.) I was working at UOB Life assurance, the insurance part of the bank. Apparently its a "member of the UOB group".

Unfortunately, i didn't work in the UOB building which is beautifully located beside the Singapore river across the victoria concert hall. Instead, i worked at far eastern bank building which is somewhere in between raffles place and tanjong pagar mrt. Far eastern what? Exactly what i was thinking when i first heard the location. I had trouble finding it the first day. I ended up asking some security guard "do you know where is china bank or something like that?" Far eastern sounds cheena to me lah... To that he gave me a puzzled look and said " i think its across the road" Seriously, people... if you don't know where the place is... just say so.. dun point people in random direction lah... i walked across the road to realise that the place i was looking for was right beside the building where i found the security guard...

So anyway, you are probably wondering: so what did you do? Sell insurance ah? Over my dead body lah. I was a temp admin assistant, but i prefer to call myself the photocopier expert. That's right! In this 2 weeks, i basically photocopied documents, filed them and dispatch them. In fact, i spent an average of 4 hours every day at the copier machine.

Sounds bad right... But it was alright lah. I mean i had to make the best out of the situation. Hence every hour, i declare a 5 min break for myself. I will walk over to the pantry and visit the highlight of my job: the drink machine with dispenses drinks for FREE! Free leh! Got coke, diet coke, f&n, sprite, coffee, tea, teh bing, mocha, chrysanthemum... alot lah... What do you expect! They pay me only 6 bucks an hour lah! (actually 9.. since stupid recruit express takes 1/3 of it... rip off...) Not to mention the every 2 hour toilet break that i will take. hehehe...

So anyway, im currently jobless (yes.. AGAIN) but i am so enjoying it. Will probably be jumping around jobs. Maybe you will see me at starbucks some day? Tall or Grande?

Isn't it interesting how every year during valentines, everyone starts a debate about whether we should celebrate it and whether we should buy gifts etc? EVERY YEAR! Apparently we are so fickled minded, we cant make up our minds once and for all. You know what. I know a way to settle this problem.

My solution is declare valentines day a PUBLIC HOLIDAY! Yup yup... a public holiday! Firstly, everyone will rejoice if that is implemented. But thats not the reason why i suggest for it to be a public holiday. (seriously! That's not the reason! We already got 12 days of holiday a year! That averages out to one per month! ONE! Thats alot lor... :P like my lonely 2 dollar ang bao)

The reason is after you declare it a holiday, everyone will celebrate it. There wont be any more debates and forums about it. Do you hear anyone debating whether we should celebrate christmas even though technically, 25 dec is not the day Jesus was born on? Every year, the streets of orchard road is transformed into a magical winter wonderland in the tropics for this holiday. No one is complaining right? Although the pine tree companies are profiting(thats the christmas tree right?). Although Hallmark makes insanely expensive cards. Although printing companies go into full speed to produce enough wrapping paper to gift wrap the entire Alaska and all its icebergs which later all goes into the rubbish bin and incinerated back into carbon dioxide after being RIPPED apart by some kid(and me!). Yes... im against wrapping paper...

Psh i digress... So anyway! Don't you think valentines should be a public holiday? We can fill the entire orchard road with hearts and cupids... aww... show the sweet and soft side of us unfriendly myob attitude singaporeans.... Will be good for our global image too!

I didn't write this because i had to wake up early this morning to go to work and leave work slightly late... I write this because its seriously a good idea! (nodnodnod)

So anyway like i promised, i will share a lil about myself. Today, i had the best v day eva! No i didn't make out with anyone... But i had a great time with my CG at mind cafe. Oh man we totally messed up the place. We were shouting, screaming, pushing, punching, taopoking, dancing, fighting, quacking. At the end of the day, our table was no where near its original location, drinks were spilled, and everyone was sweating and panting hard. After today, i might consider staying single during all v day! hehe... just kidding. Something i realise though. Everytime i spend a holiday with this cg of mine, it turns out to be the best holiday. I had the best v day with them. I had the best christmas with them. I can't wait to have the best easter with them! I love you guys!

Oh and thanks for tagging! Pls do tag more! Makes me feel popular! haha... kidding kidding. And yes i think the papers should hire me. Do you guys read mypaper? Omg.. who on earth hired those writers... They are terrible lah.... They write stuff that are like duh... oh dun go to work when ya sick.. wear mask.. omg.. seriously.. SARS is over! Talk about something more important man... like britney attempting suicide! And start a bidding pool on who is the next star to attempt suicide! My bet is on Michael Jackson! Apparently he is releasing a new album soon.

I can imagine what he is thinking... "Oh my life is miserable... everyone thinks i like kids... whats wrong with that... why does everyone not understand me... i happen to like them alot... i shall just end my life... this cruel life... hopefully you guys will buy my album to show me life isn't cruel and that i can go back to my favourite antique shop and go on my shopping spree... WILFRED! Get me that blunt butter knife!"

Talking about public transportation makes me wanna talk about our roads. Do you guys know how freaking expensive it is to own/drive a car? Everything about cars is expensive now. Maintenance is expensive. Petrol is expensive. Parking the car is expensive. And the best part is that you never get a good deal with a car.

Firstly, the prices of car depreciates as fast as the prices of handphones. It only takes a few months for the price to drop to a fraction. So whoever claims owning a car is an investment, he is either a bad investor or stupid.

Secondly, you pay money to enter a carpark, but most of the time you will find yourself circling the carpark for a lot. Happens all the time at suntec, vivo, marina square etc. It's like im paying to enter the driving school circuit. Circle round and round and round. And that's only the entry. Apparently at vivo, you have to queue to get out. Ridiculous... OH and not to mention those idiots who get out of their cars and run around the carpark to look for a space and when they see it, they quickly run to the lot and stand on it till their friend drives to that lot... omg... why not use a tissue paper instead... just in case some driver might decide to ignore your presence on the lot and just drive over you... drivers like me...

Thirdly, with all the new ERP gantries opening up everywhere, money from our cash cards are magically disappearing as we cruise down our highways. Oh wait, i can't use the word 'cruise'. Apparently, even though im paying to use the expressways which is suppose to be EXPRESS, it's not. I find myself joining the whole bunch of idiots who just paid to enter a bigger traffic jam. So what's the point of placing the ERP and increasing the price?! Instead, they have decided to add more gantries! Rumor has it that someone snuck into LTA(is it LTA? which ever government agency in charge of ERP la) and saw their future plans. Apparently by the year 2010, gantries will be situated at every housing entrance. The moment the car leaves the gate, *di*, 5 dollars gone.

It is no surprise the use of public transport is increasing. (except the cabs... omg dun get me started on how bloody expensive taking a cab is nowadays...) So ditch our cars and lets all take public transport! This will make all the buses and trains even more packed during peak hour. Which will help me in my cause. Amazing Race! Come to Singapore again!

Probably one of the most boring category in the emmies is Best Reality TV show. This is because every year, The Amazing Race will win. I am not an amazing race fan, but as they enter their one hundred and thirty one season( you mean its less than that? It refuses to disappear like days of our lives!), there is one thing i realise about that game. They never fail to go to India.

Apparently the producers of the show love to watch the contestants squeeze into crowded buses, navigate their way through overpopulated markets and sympathise some poor kids along the way. Or at least they think we the audience love to watch them suffer there.

With this, i would like to appeal to the producers of The Amazing Race to come back to Singapore again! Yeah i know you guys came once and it was totally boring. Apparently all we had to offer was Phua Chu Kang, HDBs and our fountain of wealth at suntec. We even showed you our zoo, which you can find in every other country. But i mean where do you expect us to bring you guys to? The movies? (which happens to be the only thing Singaporeans can do when they are out.)

But the other day, as i was travelling on MRT, it hit me! We can offer you our peak hour public transport system! You heard me right! We offer you an alternative to what India offers you. I think by now, we are quite bored of seeing caucasians squeezing into a bus full of indians. So come to Singapore, and make your contestants squeeze into a train/bus full of unfriendly singaporeans! We offer you the same sardine packed situation. You will not be able to breath because the people around you will either smell of really bad BO or really strong cologne, something you will not get in India(except the BO part).

Just to give you an example. That day on the train, it was so packed, i was pressed against this lady. Our bodies were facing each other, but we refused to look at each other. I couldn't help but sneak occasional glaces to see what's her expression. Could see that she was probably day dreaming that she was in a large field running around lilies and daisies. I almost wanted to burst into laughter. Then some idiot behind me kept pushing me to get more space, which means i was being pressed harder against her... like grinding... then it wasn't so funny anymore. Actually... it got funnier. Thinking about it now... hehe...

And i bet i am not the only person who faces the problem of overcrowded buses and trains every day. So the people at amazing race. Seriously. Think about it. I am offering you a million dollar idea!

The chinese new year hols are coming to an end and i want to talk about the unspoken rule during CNY 08.

So i was at my big/first uncle's place(direct translation from chinese) on the first day of new year. All my relatives will gather there instead of visiting one house at a time. Thank God my relatives are quite smart. I would have died if i had to visit like 10 houses that day. The weather was so bloody hot, i was feeling fainty the entire time. Not to mention there was no AIRCON! Seriously. Invest in an aircon if you are planning to get the entire family of 10 siblings into your HDB.

But thats not the point. After collecting all the ang paos, i quickly escaped with my sister from those meaningless small talks and awkward silence after every 2 lines.
Relative: So finish your army?
Me: Yup. Just 2 months ago.
*5 seconds of silence*
Relative: Studying university?
Me: Yup. I will be heading to NYU in August.
Relative: Nan Yang University?
Me: No... New York University.
Relative: Wow...
*5 seconds of silence*
Relative: The chicken rice is really good ah.
Me: Yup.
*silence as we gobble down the food and quickly run back to the TV couch*

Again i have digress. I apologise. So i was home relaxing in my 16 degress airconditioned room. Decided to count my ang pao money. So i slowly open the ang paos. Alright fine. You got me. I ripped them open. And to my horror, i found a 2 dollar note in one ang pao. A. ONE. YI. SATU. One lonely pathetic 2 dollar note.

Seriously! I thought it was clear! In 2008, with all the inflation going on and price hike etc, i was quite sure there was this unspoken rule that in CNY 2008, the minimum ang pao sum is $4! I read about it on mypaper(that free paper that has english and chinese on it. I read it every morning. The english section that is. hehe) that everyone agreed $4 is the minimum.

$2! What can you buy with that miserable $2! You can't even get a plate of chicken rice or a bowl of wanton mee. And i wont be surprise if the $2 shop has disappeared from existance. $2! That barely covers my transportation cost to the house if i took public transport! (Public transport for CNY visitation... omg... kudos to those who did that...)

Then of course i read the section on the mypaper which someone commented:"I don't mind $2. It's the thought that counts anyway." THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS?! Firstly, it's TRADITION to give ang pao, who cares about the thought. Secondly, if you consider the thought, you will be fuming mad. The thought that is probably racing through that miser's head is "ok so if i give $2, and my siblings give at least $4, then i earn at least $2 per kid! Whoot! I love Chinese New Year! Big money Big money!"

Then i sense some people will throw rotten eggs at me saying "But they might be in a financial crisis!" I tried to put myself in their shoes... Nope i still think giving $2 is out of the question. How many relatives can you possibly have? Is setting aside $100 for CNY too ridiculous? That will give you 25 kids to give out to! And it only happens once a year! It just shows poor planning of finance.

Ok i have said enough. If only i can remember who gave me that 2 dollar note... Anyway i will be using that 2 dollar note to buy something to ease my pain. Maybe rubber bands or something...

Yes thats right! Im back! I am so excited to start blogging again! And this time im going to focus more on issues. Issues which i believe are crucial to our society and should be looked into. Maybe i will blog a lil about my life. After all, it is full of drama n comedy and you people just love to get a scoop of other people's life so i shall not deprive you of that. But thats not the point. The point is to talk about these issues. And on my debut return post, i shall talk about this issue which i just cant believe is happening. The issue of the tissue paper booking system.

I heard about it from my sister and from Jason Hahn's books(read them! they are drop dead hilarious!) but i never really seen it in action so i thought maybe it doesnt happen often. But to my horror, on my first day of temp work at raffles place(yes.. i will talk about my exciting job some other time), when i went to amoy street hawker centre to eat, tissue paper packets were EVERYWHERE.

I don't mean on the floor. It was lying on all the chairs. I was absolutely shocked. Not so about how audacious and inconsider singaporeans are to use tissue paper packets to book their seats, but of how we singaporeans actually ACCEPT it and allow it to happen. It's absolutely amazing.

I know singaporeans are often inconsiderate and not very friendly people(land of 4 million smiles?! PUI). I have learnt to accept that. But the fact that singaporeans actually allow this booking system to be put in place either proves that my previous theory is wrong and that singaporeans are actually considerate and patient and understanding, or we are just plain stupid.

After much thinking, i just know the former is impossible. My 21 years here have shown me that. Just walk into any bus or train in the morning and say 'Good morning!' to any singaporean. You will then realise in the Singapore dictionary, there is no such thing as a good morning. You will only get a black face to 'brighten up' your day.

So it has to be the latter. Singaporeans are stupid. I hate to admit it, being a singaporean myself. But can there be another explanation to why we acknowledge such a stupid booking system?

The worst part of it all is that even though i think it's stupid, i comply to it as well, walking in circles around the hawker centre hoping to find an empty table when there are empty tables everywhere. Oh wait. They aren't empty. They are occupied. By Tissue Papers!